63 Reasons Why Captain Janeway is Better Than Captain Picard
1. One word: hair
2. More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers
combined.
3. Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
4. Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
5. Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
6. Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
7. Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
8. Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to
admit they're lost and pull over for directions.
9. Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her
way through.
10. Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
11. Looks better in sleepwear.
12. Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
13. Isn't French with an English accent.
14. "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here,
either, but I loved that line!
15. Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering
experience.
16. When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
17. Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying
to convince them to behave better.
18. To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly
way. Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake
up for morning bells.
19. The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
20. Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
21. Picard could never act like a prostitute to gain a tactical
advantage.
22. She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
23. Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
24. Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead
of trying to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
25. 34 episodes without surrendering the ship.
26. 34 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
27. Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and
lungs. Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again
take over the ship.
28. She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
29. Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in
Sherwood Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
30. Same level of sexual tension between Doctor and Captain.
31. Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a
shirt; Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network
television.
32. Cheese
33. Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to
blend in with a primitive planet.
34. She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All
lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
35. Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
36. Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
37. Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
38. Her telepath only lives nine years.
39. Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has
gone before" and took them to the extreme.
40. 45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe
instantaneously? That's excessive!
41. Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one
day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with
"the deadliest of force."
42. Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
43. The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that
only Worf could stomach.
44. Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
45. Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess
Leia.
46. Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy,
Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
47. Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
48. Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
49. Has a more manly voice.
50. Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight
spot.
51. Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
52. Kes. Troi. No contest.
53. Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
54. At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time
she wants something to drink.
55. Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
56. Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
57. Her CONN officer can use contractions.
58. Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
59. Her Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of
trouble. Picard's Security Officer gets beat up by
half the aliens that come aboard.
60. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over
the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all
humankind.
61. To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her
spirit guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa.
62. Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
63. Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked
Picard's girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.
