46 Things That Never Happen on Star Trek


1) The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of
a type that it has encountered before. 

2) The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of
scientists who are all perfectly all right. 

3) The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like
planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems. 

4) The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new
lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old
lifeform, wearing a silly hat. 

5) The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange
alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked
sick-bay. 

6) An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to
interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads. 

7) A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly
diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff. 

8) A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the
user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'. 

9) The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to
another without serious incident. 

10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien
intelligence which does not put them on trial. 

11) The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any
danger. 

12) The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic,
strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end. 

13) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien
intelligence which they easily pacify with candy. 

14) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp
phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century. 

15) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode
or crash. 

16) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the
Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction. 

17) The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a
battle. 

18) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a
bright, sunny day 

19) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation
alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant." 

20) A major character spends the entire episode in the
Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there. 

21) Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say
"Come." 

22) Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!

23) Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on
ice." 

24) Counsellor Troi states something other than the
blindingly obvious. 

25) Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor
Troi's position. 

26) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to
have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?!
He's MINE!" 

27) When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is
entering visual range no one says "On screen." 

28) Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2
seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails. 

29) Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity
this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times
without rewinding the tape). 

30) Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for
being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change. 

31) Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the
Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net). 

32) The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem
to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher. 

33) Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and
they work better than ever. 

34) Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode
without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room. 

35) Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up
comedy routine. 

36) Data falls in love with the replicator. 

37) Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a
planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
[or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and
does not fall in love. -psl] 

38) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a
less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the
StarfleetPrime Directive. 

39) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team
and lives to tell the tale. 

40) Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position
for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him. 

41) Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1
consecutive episode. 

42) Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.
(Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...) 

43) Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female
before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him. 

44) Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics 

45) Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new
weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the
day. 

46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at
Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.