Corabeth

I've always been jealous of my sister. There isn't a time that I can remember where I wasn't. She was always getting all of Mama's attention. Of course, I got all of Papa's so it evened out at least.

Do you know how hard it is to have a sister who is so smart and so pretty that no one ever pays attention to you? And what's worse is that she's older than me, so she did everything first! By the time I got that old, Corabeth and Brother Frank had already done whatever it was I was just now old enough to do.

Even in school, the teachers were always asking me why I couldn't do things like my sister Corabeth. She was always getting awards for the way she spoke, and was always every teacher's favorite student. If I got a C on a test, she would come home with an A! She clean blocked out the sun, so I wasn't noticed. The things she did were just so much better than what I could do.

And then there's that fancy way she talks. Like she was born to some royal family that just deposited her in Doe Hill until they could come back and claim her. She was always putting on airs.

There's this time I remember, back when she was about 12. She was given an assignment where she had to describe her home. Well, she wrote about how we had some large house that had about fifty floors or something like that. Well, one day the teacher had to come to our house to talk to Mama. Well, that poor teacher had the hardest time trying to figure out if the address she had been given was right! She kept looking for that huge house and couldn't find it! Our house wasn't that small either, mind you. But the way Corabeth described it… Well, let's just say she had a gift to make things seem better than what they were.

We were never getting along. She was always so proper, like Mama, and I was always, well, I was Papa's. We were always fighting about everything. Even in the family portraits, they'd have to put Corabeth and me on opposite sides… Just so we wouldn't start fighting and ruin the picture.

When Papa died, I didn't have anyone who really understood me left. Except for Aunt Cordelia. And without Papa, Corabeth seemed even bigger and harder to be seen next to than ever. So when that carnival came to town, I took that as my chance and ran off.

I moved to Doe Hill back when I was about fifteen. There was this beautiful girl who sat at the front of the room and seemed to know the answers to every question. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, she was so beautiful.

One time, there was a play being put on by our school. Corabeth was always in every production and I decided that I should join as well, so I could get to know her. She got the lead. And I, well I didn't quite make it. The play was to be performed on Saturdays and Sundays for a month. I went to every performance. I would change seats each performance, so I could see a slightly different angle. Corabeth Walton was beautiful from any angle you watched her from.

But she never noticed me. I was always in the background, I assume. She wouldn't have looked twice at me with my glasses and hair that wouldn't stay put. But the sight of Corabeth sustained me. And as long as she was sitting in the same room as I was, I couldn't have been happier.

I always felt sorry for her, you know? She was always trying so hard to be liked by everyone, that she… didn't show the school who she really was. Take the boys, for instance. Corabeth would become smitten with one of them. And she would try everything to get them to notice her. But she blended in. I suppose she tried to blend in, but she tried so hard that even when she was trying to be noticed, you wouldn't notice her.

I was one of the lucky few who got to see who she was. She loved Shakespeare, Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters… She loved opera. I never really liked opera myself, but I think Corabeth liked it because in opera (and theatre, for that matter) she could be who she wanted to be without worrying about what other people thought.

But in the outside world, you never noticed her. Maybe some of the boys didn't like her because she was so intelligent. Sometimes I wondered if she read the dictionary for big words! Or maybe it was because the boys were in their immature phase and wanted girls who were fun to be with, not who were as refined as Corabeth.

When she graduated, I heard she went back home to help her mother. It's a pity, she should have taught… probably English. Children could have learned a lot from her.

My dearest Corabeth,

I do not know how to tell you this, but I thought it would be easier to write out, affording me time to read over my words and select them carefully.

I love you so very much. I never had to ask you to stay at home, with me, and take care of me. But I think you must go out into that world and live. I know you are probably scared, but it is the best thing for you. What will you do when I am gone if you do not learn how to be out on your own now?

I cannot force you to go. On the contrary, I would like it very much if you stayed to keep me company and to help. But I have your future and best interests to think of. And it is a mother's duty to put her children before herself. That is why I am asking you to go.

I will always be here if you need me, I promise you. But I think you will not need me much. You are a very intelligent and beautiful woman. And I'm proud to be your mother.

Love always,
Mama

I hadn't seen her in a while when one day she just appeared on the mountain. Her mother had died. She said she was on her way to Richmond, to look for a job. Or so she told us. Grandma secretly believed that Corabeth was here to stay. For good. Well, Corabeth was welcome to stay for a little while, at least until she got back on her feet.

Unfortunately, Corabeth had other ideas. We gave her John Boy's room and she decided to redecorate the place. Took down all of John Boy's things and put up things of her own. That didn't sound like the actions of a person who was only planning on staying a 'little while'.

One day, she had invited the Baldwin ladies for tea- without letting anyone in the family know! All I knew was that there was a knock on the door and in come the Baldwin ladies…carrying a jar of the recipe! In my house! Of course the house wasn't tidy, Corabeth hadn't given us any notice, so Grandma and I scurried around trying to get the tea started and the cushions straight.

Don't get me wrong, I felt sorry for her. She looked so fragile, like if we said the wrong word she would break into a million pieces. And her moods… Well, she was in a state. If we didn't have so many people in this house, I would have welcomed her to stay longer so I could maybe help her a little. But Corabeth had a way of stirring up the whole family. Grandma wanted her out from the start. John Boy wanted her out the moment that she took over his room. And John, well John just wanted his peace and quiet back.

But the Almighty had other plans for her. That night while we were discussing what to do about Corabeth, John told us that Ike Godsey was smitten with her. Ike, who had never been in love as long as I can remember, was moonstruck with our houseguest! And furthermore, he had invited himself to dinner the next night in order to get to know Corabeth better. Upon hearing that, we couldn't 'push' her out of the house.

Well, dinner did not go well at all. Corabeth didn't show Ike the least bit of encouragement. I suppose it could have been due to nerves, but at the rate those two were going, they'd end up finally saying two words together in about fifty years. After they had been sitting out on the porch for about half an hour, they came back in. Corabeth said she had a migraine, but it looked to me (and to Ike, I suspect) that she just wanted to get away.

It had begun to look as if she might end up living with the family forever.

A day or so later, Ike came by the house and invited Corabeth to dinner at some French restaurant. The Versailles, I think. Corabeth was reluctant to go, until Ike invited John and me to go along. Chaperones, Grandpa called it.

If I thought that first dinner had gone wrong, the second went even worse. Ike kept saying things that didn't make any sense. And Corabeth barely paid him any attention. All through dinner, Ike babbled and Corabeth sat there, not saying a word. I decided that maybe they would feel more comfortable if they were left alone, so John and I began to dance. When we got back to the table, I felt like shaking the two of them to try and get some words to come out.

We were going to drop Ike off at the store, but then John nudged me and suggested that we drop him off at our house and he could walk the half-mile home. When we arrived, John and I hurried in so as to give Corabeth and Ike some time to say goodbye. As if that would have helped any. But then by some quirk of fate, Ike proposed. All we saw was Corabeth coming into the house in hysterics saying that Ike had proposed and she had accepted, then her running up the stairs crying the whole way.

A few days later, Corabeth and I went to the store so Ike could show Corabeth around his house. He promised to change it around anyway she wanted, and even add rooms to it to make the house a little bigger. Corabeth acted as though she were some little mouse, caught in a trap. She probably would have made it through the tour fine, had Ike not have bounced on his bed like a little boy. She politely excused herself, saying she needed air. I began to wonder if this marriage would ever take place.

My fears were confirmed when she asked John Boy to get her suitcases from the barn and bring them upstairs. Said she was leaving the mountain, now. I couldn't let her just leave like that! She was so unhappy, and I believed that with Ike she might get a little big of happiness. So I went up to her... er, John Boy's room to talk some sense into her.

Corabeth was envious of me. Of my marriage. Turns out that she didn't love Ike (as I suspected), and that she wasn't going to marry him because of that. But those two needed each other like peanut butter needs jelly. I told her that maybe she didn't love him at first, but maybe out of that needing some love would grow. And, miracle of miracles, she agreed.

The morning of her wedding, she was back to her timid self. She didn't want a white wedding dress, didn't feel it was appropriate for someone of her age. She picked out a nice cream outfit that she had brought from Doe Hill. After everyone had left the room and it was just her and me, she asked me to stay close to her. I doubted it was because she wanted someone to keep her from running out, but because she didn't want to feel all alone up there, holding the hand of a man she barely knew.

But once the ceremony was finished, she seemed to settle down a little. Corabeth threw the bouquet from the car and they drove off. Things always have a way of working out. Happily ever after.

My earliest memory of Mrs. Godsey is of a woman who looked down on anyone, given the right reason. You see, I was an unwed mother. "Daisy Garner, that woman with the... love child." Yup, I was Mrs. Godsey's favorite person.

Frankly, I couldn't have cared less what Mrs. Godsey, let alone the world, thought about me. Except her beliefs were harming my child. Mrs. Godsey had a little girl, Aimee, who played with Elizabeth Walton. And because my little girl only knew Elizabeth, she would play with the girls as well.

But once Corabeth got wind that her daughter was associating with a 'love child' (her words, not mine), that was the end of that! My daughter was treated like an outcast for something she had no control over! I couldn't believe that someone who was good friends with the Walton family could treat me like that.

Yes, I know that I shouldn't have become with child. But the minute Mrs. Godsey made my actions my daughter's fault… Well, I hit the roof. Thankfully, Olivia was able to talk some sense into that woman. My daughter was able to play with her little girl again, but I'm sure that the memory of what happened is still with my girl even to this day. And she has Mrs. Godsey to thank for that.

When I came to Walton's Mountain, I stirred up a lot of trouble. I think it first started when Olivia Walton invited me to dinner. I got the idea that Corabeth Godsey was a little upset that she was not invited as well. (Her being a relative and all.) So, Mrs. Godsey then invited me to dinner at her house. And what an interesting dinner it was. Her husband, Ike, only wanted to talk about the hostilities in Europe. And Mrs. Godsey? All she wanted to talk about was the Bible! Quoting scriptures, talking about which version I prefer. When I'm at dinner at someone's house, all I want to do is enjoy myself, not talk about what I get paid (and love, don't get me wrong!) to do. It seemed to me that the Godseys weren't even paying attention to each other's conversations, but each battling for my ear.

I excused myself at the earliest possible moment.

Now, I wasn't aware of this at the time, but some people say that Corabeth got wind that I had been dancing with Erin Walton in the parsonage, alone, that night. We weren't doing anything wrong, mind you.

That next day Corabeth was at the parsonage showing me some idea she had for the choir robes. She seemed, well, nervous. I couldn't figure out why though. I knew something was wrong, so I asked her. I didn't know that her problems were so deep. She started to apologize to me for any trouble she had caused me. And I don't think she was talking about dinner. So I held her hand and tried to console her. Unfortunately, Erin saw me holding hands with her and assumed that we were sweet on each other. I know I wasn't sweet on her. Corabeth darted out of the parsonage, just about in hysterics.

Now I know this is going to seem a little… farfetched. But I got the definite impression that Corabeth wished that there could have been more between us. Not that I encouraged her any! It's just that feeling I got from her. Trying to talk to me about the Bible because that's what she thought I was interested in, making up excuses (like the choir robe) to come and see me. I decided that I should make sure not to give her any hints and to never be alone with her. Who knows what could have happened, given the right circumstances? I certainly did not want to break up a marriage.

I only saw her once, in the art gallery where I work. But I think I should start at the beginning.

I was coming out of one of those big department stores, my arms full of packages, when he came in. We bumped into each other and my packages crashed to the floor. He was polite and helped me pick them up. Seemed nervous and kept looking at me. He was a little older than me and I soon learned that he owned a little general store in a town called Walton's Mountain. Ike was quite apologetic and asked if he could take me to lunch to repay me. I didn't have anywhere to go, except back to my apartment to be alone, so I agreed.

We went to this little café down the street that I like. That's where I found out he was married. My heart sank. He was so nice, I couldn't help myself. At least we could become friends.

Or so I thought. I soon found out that my feelings couldn't be pushed to such a platonic level. I loved being with him. The way he saw the world, the way he talked. We saw a lot of each other those few months. I tried not to think about his wife. He said that he thought she didn't love him, only married him because she was lonely. I knew that that hurt him, but what could I do? I was falling for a married man. We spent wonderful days together, walking around the city, watching the people in the parks… I didn't want it to end.

We tried to hold back our feelings, but it was hard. I was holding his hands when we kissed that one time in the park. I felt his wedding band's cool touch on me. That's when it hit me like a lead weight, this can't continue. I was never the type of woman who could play second fiddle to anyone. Ike realised it too.

He stopped coming to Richmond.

I planned on that day in the park being our last. But I saw him again, six months later in the art gallery. He was with his wife. He didn't talk about her much in the time we spent together, so I didn't have a clear picture in my mind of what she would be like. She was beautiful. She was thin with brown hair that sat so wonderfully on her shoulders. I couldn't figure out what Ike had seen in me that would have made him stray. They looked handsome together. If ever I have seen two people who were truly made for each other, it was Ike and Corabeth Godsey.

I ducked out of sight, told Kate that I was taking my break. But he saw me, and so did his wife. I was only going to nod a hello on the way to my office, but he said something to me. I agreed about the colors in the painting and hurried to my office, by then a worried wreck. Did his wife know? Did she suspect? I only hoped that she was clueless as to what had happened.

I wrote him a letter. We could never see each other again. Even if I wanted to, I could never break up that couple. And I pray that I didn't.

I hated Corabeth. I know she was family and all, but she was weird. Always talking in French or saying funny things. She thought she was some wonderful actress or something. People talked about her behind her back. Made fun of her. Yeah, I guess I added to those jokes. But she acted like she was better than everyone else!

My daddy found out I was failing English. That was the only class I was failing, but he was hard on me. Dumb Elizabeth butted in and suggested I call up Corabeth and ask her to tutor me. Daddy agreed and within two days I was at the store. She made me read these stupid books that would put anyone to sleep. What's worse is that she seemed to actually enjoy them. And you know what she did? Every time I'd finish one of those dumb books, she'd give me a gold star! Like I was some kind of four year-old or something!

Then I was driving and got pulled over in Rockfish. My license had expired and I had to go apply for a new one. That's when I got the worst news of my life. I needed glasses. Because of Corabeth's dumb books, I didn't have perfect eyesight! And you can't be a pilot in the Air Corps if you don't have perfect vision.

So I decided why bother with school if it wouldn't help me get into the Air Corps. I started to skip school. Elizabeth felt sorry for me so she lied to the teacher and said I was sick. But then Corabeth had to go nosing around and found out I was skipping. She went and told Daddy that I was sick and hadn't been at school. Daddy hit the roof. I didn't understand why I had to go to school, and it was Corabeth's fault that Daddy found out.

I blew up at Corabeth and insulted her. She ran back to the store upset. Seems like she's always about ready to cry for some reason or another. Daddy was real upset and signed my form so I could join the Army.

So there I was, driving my car into Rockfish so I could enlist when I saw a car broken down at the side of the road. Just my luck it was Corabeth. I figured I should help her, after all it was because of her that I got the form signed at all. So I stopped and started to change her tire.

Then she started to talk, and for some reason, I listened. She talked about how she hoped that I wasn't giving up my dream of flying. She said that even if I couldn't become a pilot, I should try and do whatever I could so I could still join the Air Corps. She even told me why she acted the way she did. Said that she had always wanted to be a dancer, or an actress, or even just go to France. But because she couldn't do any of those things, she put something from each of those dreams into her life, sort of to keep it alive somehow.

I never cracked a joke about her again.

I liked Corabeth enough. But when the war started, woohee! It didn't matter who you were, as long as you were the one with the rationed items. There was one time when there was a shortage of sugar, and Ike wouldn't sell it to me! He and Corabeth were probably hoarding that sugar for themselves. That Corabeth was probably using five pounds a day in her cooking, while the rest of the mountain was forced to do without.

I told Ike that if he wouldn't sell me any sugar, I would do my shopping in Rockfish. He said some lie about how he didn't even have any sugar. The next time I had to go shopping, I came back to the store and asked if there was any sugar yet. That's when Ike had his heart attack, you know, and the Walton children were minding the store. John Walton was there and he suggested that Ben and…Jim Bob could make some molasses in place of sugar.

Even though Ike and Corabeth had sugar, I had to do with molasses. When I was a little girl, that's all we had. We didn't have any sugar. But I got used to using sugar and now I had to go back, all because of the Godseys.

Now, let me say this. I think that Ike and Corabeth were selling that sugar to the rich folks from the city. The rich people could pay more and that way the general store could get more money. It's a shame that those people from the government never found out about the sugar. Not that I wanted Ike to go to jail, but all I wanted was a cupful of sugar.

Ike and Corabeth Godsey are some of the most patriotic people my Sister and I know. They are always helping out for the cause, dontcha know? Sister and I started to have these dinners where we would invite young servicemen from Rockfish over and entertain them. We would engage them in conversation, listen to Enrico Caruso, and sometimes we would even get to dance with them. One of the servicemen, a Private Boyland, reminded me of Ashley Longworth. Ashley Longworth was a young man who attended the University of Virginia. He kissed me over there under the maple tree.

Oh yes, Ike and Corabeth. Sister sometimes must remind me to stay on topic or else I would spend all of my time talking about Ashley.

Yes, well, Ike and Corabeth would help us out. You see, sometimes we needed things but we didn't have enough ration coupons! One time, no servicemen showed up, so Mr. Godsey gave us gas (without ration stamps!) so we could drive into Rockfish and get some young men.

Yes, they are very patriotic people. Mrs. Godsey even rolled bandages for the Red Cross and Mr. Godsey was the Civil Defense man for the whole mountain.

When John Boy came home, Mamie and I decided to have a book party for him. We needed sugar for the eclairs and Mrs. Godsey gave us some, without ration stamps! They are very nice people, dontcha know?

One time, a man from the government caught them selling us food without the correct number of coupons. Sister and I went to the hearing and told those people what patriotic people the Godseys were. We even told them that we would give them the correct number of stamps that we owed them when we got the next book, or the one after that! But the ration board people did not like that and threatened to throw the Godseys into jail, dontcha know?

Sister says she supposes the Godseys were not put into jail because we helped by saying how patriotic they were.

Well, now we will go have some of the recipe. Sister says she would like to have some of the 1937 vintage, but I reminded her that we finished that the one time Corabeth came, when she said she wanted Mamie and I to decorate her house. Yes, that was a good vintage.

I used to be an orphan. The Godseys adopted me when I was about ten, but then they sent me away to some private school in Doe Hill. Papa didn't want me to go, but Mama was insistent. So I was sent away to that town where Mama grew up to a finishing school. I felt like an orphan again. Sure, I came home for the summer. But I felt like… an outsider. Like I didn't really belong to them after all.

Time passed and they visited less and less. I don't know whose fault it was, theirs or mine, but I started to spend a couple of the smaller vacations at the homes of one of my friends instead of with my parents.

Then came the time I was supposed to graduate. A graduation is supposed to be a time when your whole family comes and watches as you are handed your diploma.

Three days before my graduation I got a phone call from Mama. She said there was some problem at the store and that they wouldn't be able to come up for my graduation. Even that store was more important than I was.

Well, it was just a stupid graduation anyway. We walked down the aisle in the processional, and sat in rows listening to some boring politician talk. It was really quite boring. We received our diplomas and that was it. My graduation.

I went back to the dorm right after. My friends were all off to do something with their parents. Mine hadn't even bothered to come. I wasn't important enough for them to put down whatever the crisis was. I spent the rest of that day playing the piano. Mama taught me how to play when I was younger and that day I pounded on those keys, as if by pounding on them I could make my parents remember that I was their daughter.

Of course, when I arrived home two days later, they were all happy to see me and proud that I had received my diploma. But it wasn't the same.

Corabeth was never a person that liked everyone, from what I've been told. And she didn't like me. You see, I have a tattoo and I'm a mechanic. Worked on cars, tanks, anything with a motor in the war. But she couldn't get past the fact that I'm a tattooed mechanic.

I met Aimee one day while driving through the mountain. Needed some gas and there she was. The girl of my dreams. She was beautiful, with blonde hair and that shy little smile of hers. I want to marry her then and there.

But I asked her to a movie instead. And she accepted. I couldn't sleep the night before our date! When I picked her up, she told me to come inside and meet her parents. Her dad was a real nice guy. He owned the little store. He asked me what I did and I told him how I got to be a mechanic. (The truth is, I couldn't hit the side of a barn with a gun, so I was taught about motors.) His wife seemed a little… suspicious. Maybe because I was taking their only child out on a date and they didn't know me. But I got the feeling that she didn't like my tattoo (it was warm and I was wearing short sleeves) or the fact that I was a mechanic. When I asked Aimee about it, she said not to worry about her mother, she just wanted Aimee to marry some rich guy.

Well, I did marry her. When Aimee told her parents that we were engaged, her mother became hysterical. I realised that it wasn't because she was so happy, but disappointed so I left and sat in my car. About twenty minutes later, Aimee came running out with a suitcase and told me she wanted to get married that instant.

So we went to Maryland to have our wedding done that day and then went back to my house. Aimee was so upset that her mother behaved the way that she did, so she called home to talk. Her dad answered the phone and tried to get her mom on, but she wouldn't leave her bedroom.

My poor Aimee, she tried to get her mother to forgive her, but it took her a little more than a year to finally see Aimee… and our baby Beth. But Corabeth finally forgave Aimee… and accepted me.

I've known Corabeth... Well, it seems as though all my life. I never really related to her, until about the time when I was going to be married. You see, Janet's Aunt had started to take over the whole wedding ceremony and I just had to get out of there. So I went home and stayed in that little cabin on the water. It's the perfect place to do writing, out of the way and no one bothers you.

Well, almost no one. Corabeth had sent away for one of those correspondence courses that promises to teach you how to be a writer. I treid telling her that you can't possibly learn how to write using one of those courses, but she was adament.

It's odd, she was always the one giving out advice when you didn't want (or need) it, and here she was asking me for advice. But I was having troubles with my own writing and didn't have a lot of patience for hers.

I tried telling her that I couldn't help her at that moment, but she ended up reading me what she had written. Well, let's just say it was terrible. There was no easy way to put it. I couldn't think of another word that worked except terrible.

So I gave her what she wanted- advice. I told her that she should forget about that correspondence course and write what she knew. She replied that her life was too dull and unromantic to get any sort of story out of it.

There was a time, right after Ike and Corabeth had been married, when I saw something I really shouldn't have. You see, I had come into the store to get my mail. And, well, let's just say I saw the two of them kissing, with Corabeth on Ike's lap. I had caught Mama and Daddy doing the same thing once or twice, but this was Corabeth and Ike, not Mama and Daddy. I hadn't even seen the two of them holding hands, much less kiss.

When she said that her life was unromantic, I remembered what I had seen all those years back. I told her that if she looked hard enough, she'd probably find out that there was some romance in her life after all.

So she left the cabin and the next thing I know, there's a letter in my mailbox from her. Saying she taken my advice and she was almost done with her book. I wonder what ever happened to it…

I don't know how I ended up being married to Corabeth, but I'm glad I did something right. I don't know what she saw in me, but I loved how beautiful and smart she was, and the way she talked. I don't understand everything she says, even after all these years, but I like the way she says it… whatever she says.

I've never been the type of person that was very romantic. The most romantic thing I remember doing is learning how to tango from Rose for our wedding anniversary. But Corabeth, she always liked those romantic things. When we were first married, she tried turning me into one of those romantic men that she reads about in her novels, but I that's not the person I am so she gave up.

I knew she had been trying to write a novel and she named it "The Storekeeper's Wife." But she wouldn't let me read what she wrote. She'd sit there for days in a row, pounding the keys of that type-writer, making me do all the work in the store. But I wasn't allowed to even look over her shoulder. When she was writing her first romance novel, she kept reading allowed parts of it to me. As if I could tell the difference between a good and a bad romance novel! But this one… not a peep.

One day in the store, all of a sudden out of nowhere she shouted "DONE!" and scared me so bad I nearly fell off the ladder I was on. I asked her if I could see it, but she said she had to send it out that very day.

I wondered if a publisher was actually going to publish Corabeth's novel. I didn't hear anything else about it, and eventually I forgot about the thing.

For our anniversary, I took her to dinner at the Versailles restaurant. The same one that we went to on the night I proposed to her. I should take the credit for the idea, John Walton helped me think of what to do for it. We got home and I gave her the present, this necklace I had seen in a store in Charlottesville.

Then she said she had to go get something in the bedroom. So I sat in the living room waiting. I put on that record of Carmen I had bought her years ago. I had learned years ago that all I needed to do was put that record on, and Corabeth's romantic side would come out.

She came out of our bedroom holding a brown package. I opened it and was surprised to see it was a book. The Storekeeper's Wife, it said on the cover. "Written by Corabeth Godsey" was printed a little smaller under the title. She had gotten it bound at a store in Charlottesville.

I started to look through it. That book that she wrote, it was about our life together.